You have to die first
by Ariae-hime
Summary: ...to find true peace...sometimes just death can bring true peace and sometimes it takes just one person you wish to follow to find this peace…  Warnings: CharaDeath, violence  implied , M/M, mpreg  implied


Hey!

This is my second one-shot and the first I translated into English. The original that I wrote is in German.

The story came to my mind when my dad died and I was really depressed, also for other reasons and I just thought about what life would be like after we die so…yeah that was the result.

Just R&R!

**Rating:**

**Disclaimer: nothings me, T_T poor me but it all belongs to those other rich people…**

**Pairing: Draco/Harry**

**Summary: sometimes just death can bring true peace and sometimes it takes just one person you wish to follow to find this peace…**

**Warnings: CharaDeath, violence (implied), M/M, mpreg (implied)**

_**You have to die first to find true peace...**_

Drowned in tears stood a black-haired young man in the Department of Mysteries in the ministry of magic and looked straight ahead onto the veil that, back then, had taken his godfather away from him. Just because he had been too stubborn and had let himself be deceived.

He had not been strong enough to protect those close to him.

So many had lost their lives in the fight in the ministry, Aurors, people of the order, students, his friends, members of the DA... He too had taken lives, he had become a murderer. After Sirius death he had lost his mind he had shut off all moral and sense.

He had been on automatic function, his conscious too far gone to care and stop all the murders he committed.

The first to go had been Bellatrix Lestrange, she had killed his godfather, sent him with the curse through the veil, without regret, laughing like the madwoman she was.

Her followed dozens of other Death eaters in the ensuing chaos after her death, till he was facing Voldemort at the end with blood-stained hands.

Weakened by the battle with Dumbledore, which the old headmaster hadn`t survived, made it Harry nearly too easy to deliver the last deathly blow to Voldemort, but again it was another murder, more blood staining his hands. It did not matter how inhuman and evil this person had been, it did not matter what the past actions of said monster had been, just that it was a human being that he had killed. Again.

And now he was back here at this place where a part of him had died before and where the rest of him would follow now, because he was tired of coping and going on, it was impossible for him to continue living.

Too big were the wounds on his soul that others had inflicted over the years, intentionally or unintentionally, or just because this certain person had died.

He was tired

His whole life he had to fight and he HAD fought.

Fought for recognition and love.

Fought to free the Wizarding world. For his fate which he resented and never had wanted to fulfill.

Fought against the grief and the loss, against falling into the abyss of his soul.

And now he had also lost the last two remaining beings that he had loved, who had meant something to him.

His partner who had caught him and hold him after the death of Sirius, the one who had loved him and had always been there for him.

He had died like all the others around him who had been important to him or just because he had been important to him.

Draco Malfoy.

The boy who never had left his thoughts since their first day in Hogwarts had at the end of 4th year returned his feelings and had even admitted that he, as well, had been fascinated by him since their first year.

They had kept their relationship a secret for the safety of both of them over all the years but they had loved each other and they had met as often and as secretive as possible.

It had been at the beginning of 5th year when he had first noticed that something was wrong; he was feeling nauseas since some time and that mainly in the mornings.

At the beginning he didn`t really care and thought it would go away after some time, but when it didn`t stop he had gone to Madame Pomfrey.

And that brought his thoughts to the second person he would never see again because she had died in the same attack as his dragon.

His daughter Liliana Malfoy-Potter.

When Madame Pomfrey had told him that he was pregnant he had felt so complete and content as if everything would be fine from now on, as if his dream would come true and he could live the life he wanted with his little family and finally be happy.

However this luck did not last long.

Just after the birth of Liliana he had the vision of Sirius and Voldemort and he had acted in haste without thinking.

It was something that thought about with the utmost regret nowadays.

He had never been the same again after this night in the ministry.

Too much death had he seen and caused.

Too much sorrow had been caused in this one night as that he could simply forget.

He had tried it. To forget. He had tried so hard for his family.

tried to live on, to fight against this heavy burden, to live for his daughter his beautiful little angel, for his lover who had always cared for him, who had always hold him tight, who had loved him as much as he had him.

But just at it had begun to be easier, just as he had seen light again, had that happened what he had always dreaded,

It had been a day as every other day.

With just one exception, Draco had been in Diagon alley together with Liliana to buy new things for their little angel, while harry had taken care of the nursery which had not been completed yet.

The news that had shattered his whole life which had just been carefully pieced together again had come with a simple brown inconspicuous owl.

Even now he did not remember anything that had happened after reading the letter.

The first thing he actually remembered were the dead bodies of his family laid for identification besides so many others.

He didn`t remember how long he just stood there and cried, he didn`t remember when he had stopped and he didn`t remember how he had made his way into the ministry unnoticed.

He just remembered parts of what the Aurors had told him, that this had been a last act of revenge of the few still remaining death eaters.

They had just attacked Diagon Alley and killed as much and as fast as they could.

He just could not understand why life was so hard and unfair.

He could not understand why humans could possibly do such things without hesitation and regret to other living beings.

He just could not comprehend, just like the death of his godfather who had been confined to his old and dark childhood home, his daughter who never even had the chance to live.

Lifting his head high his emerald green eyes surveyed the inconspicuous veil before him. The black rag hanging in the middle was just as last time moving in a non-existent breeze.

Another stepped to the front nearing the veil, and another till he was standing right at edge.

Also just as last time he heard the whispering voices of those behind the veil, but this time he did not care.

The only thing that mattered was that he was going to see his family again, that they would all be reunited and even though he had never really much believed in god or life after death theories he had the distinct feeling of excitement and peace, he just knew that everything would be fine. in this moment he really started to hope that paradise really existed and that he would be welcome even with his tainted soul.

One last time he remembered all those he would see again and a smile formed on his face, the first really genuine one since Sirius death.

Draco

Liliana

Sirius

His parents

Remus

Ron

Hermione

Most of the DA

Most of the order

And many unknown Aurors and civilians that been at the wrong place at the wrong time.

And all those, that had fought and died in the first and second war for the light to win.

With a peaceful and happy smile that lit his face up even though he had dark rings under his eyes he stepped over the edge and through the veil. A warm breeze ruffled his hair but it was gone as soon as it came.

He felt as if hundreds of small hands pulled him forward father into the veil to ultimately cut him off of life.

Only when the fog that had clouded his vision finally lifted could harry see what was hidden behind the mysterious veil.

Behind the dark veil lay an image that he till now just had dreamed of.

There they all stood.

Draco was smiling with open arms that were inviting him to run to his lover and never let go again and to never be let go of again.

His little daughter was held by his godfather Sirius black who had never looked happier than at this moment.

Even his parents were standing there behind Draco hand in hand and smiling at him with love shining in their eyes.

They all seemed to have been waiting for him.

As well as his friends, the members of the DA and the order, they all were standing there together smiling and winking.

With a happy smile gracing his lips he stepped one more step forward and the last though of his life was that he now had finally found the peace he had been searching for.

Peace and happiness in death.


End file.
